Socks

I finished my first pair of socks.  Megan already wore them, so they are a little stretched out.  I learned a lot from this pair, mostly from undoing and redoing just about every part on these little buggers.  I've learned about proper knitting techniques, picking up stitches that were dropped, and living with mistakes.

This is the second pair that I've started for Sami.  They are going to be ankle socks.  What I've learned about this pair is that I can't watch TV and knit at the same time.

While my technique is getting better, I've made a couple of really stupid mistakes that I had to fix because I just wasn't paying attention.  I'm much better at listening to Dave Ramsey on the MP3 than I am at watching TV while knitting.  Because of my current "brain fog," I can't do the complicated parts while there is a lot of noise or distractions, but I can do the simple parts.  I really need quiet and concentration to do the more difficult parts.

Back at the Blog Again. I Missed You!

Wow, what a break from blogging.  I admit it.  I've become lazy about blogging, but I keep getting an itchy feeling in my brain to write something.  I'm just that way.  My husband remarked that I hadn't written in a long time and he missed it, and I had to admit that I missed it too. 

I've discovered that video games are one of my nemeses.  I love playing video games of all kinds, but they end up sucking up a lot of my time that could be used better in other ways.  I know that this is true with the girls (that's the reason we have a no TV/video game policy during the day), and I didn't play during the day, but during free time I wasted so much time just playing.  Play is important and even relaxing, but I know that I crossed that invisible line and fell into the land of obsession. 

I've also had a horrible time concentrating on anything these last couple of months.  My mind is full of mush and fog (seriously) and even reading a book has become difficult.  That's sad because I love reading books.  I've gone from reading two or three books a week to just muddling through a couple of pages a day that I can't even remember. 

Writing has become challenging as well.  Right now, as I am writing this, it is like looking through a fog while my brain is buzzing like one of those fluorescent lights that needs a new ballast.  Why is that?  I wish I knew.  I think that I'm lacking in iron right now (I'm chewing ice again and that's a symptom), plus allergies have given me a near constant head pressure despite taking allergy medication.  It's made it so that even posting on simple forums is difficult because I can't even concentrate on one or two sentences.  It's also made it near impossible to proofread my own grammar.  That's not good for a homeschool mother.   

The cats also enjoy distracting me from my computer time.  They will choose from a whole menu of distractions while I'm attempting to write.  They will meow to go out.  They will meow to come in.  They will stand in front of the monitor.  They will just meow.  They will throw up.  Or they will hide their puke until one of the children step in it while I am writing and I am forced to get up and deal with it. 

Spew Cat will wait until I am in the middle of writing on the computer and poop in his litter (which is 8 feet from the desk).  That wouldn't be so bad, except he doesn't bury his waste.  And it stinks.  A lot.  That leaves me with the choice of  A)  bury it for him  B)  scoop it up and dispose of it.  C)  don't breath.  Since C isn't usually an option, I have to touch the scooper which means that I have to get up and then wash my hands, I then I lose  my chain of thought. 

Rose Cat is creative at distractions as well.  The other day wanted out (and she is loudly insistent), so I got up from the computer and let her out.  Two minutes later she wanted out again.  Huh?  I figure the girls let her in through the back door.  Two minutes later she wanted out yet again.  After the fourth time, I discovered that she was letting herself in through the cat flap in the garage (which was open) but would not go back out through the same flap.  I think she was enjoying making me crazy.  I retaliated by getting the dust remover can next to me to "hiss" at her the next time.  It worked. 

Now lets add in the fact that the girls LOVE to play the piano (which is right next to the computer) as loudly as possible.  All.  The.  Time.  I like that they enjoy the piano, but they make it a point to sit and play loudly while I'm on the computer.  I think they like torturing me.

And then there is Megan who reads over my shoulder.  I don't know about you, but this makes me completely insane.  I don't mind anyone reading what I write, but not while I am writing it.  It destroys my creative thinking because it makes me completely self-conscious of everything I am writing.  She was doing it just now and walked off a little mad because she just read what I wrote, but I guarantee that she'll do it again the next time I'm on the computer. 

When I do get frustrated and take a break, I'll sit in my recliner and knit.  In five seconds, my pug will clickity-clack with his short, fat legs to my side and insist that he needs to sit on my lap while I knit.  He will make a pest of himself (did you know that pugs can nag?) until he gets his way, and he will want to lay on my yarn or put himself in such a position that knitting becomes uncomfortable.  He will scratch and wiggle.  I will sigh and move him and again lose my creative streak.  

I know people work and write from home all the time, even with little kids and pets.  What I want to know is HOW DO THEY DO IT?  All I can figure is that they must already be insane so the distractions don't bother them. 

Morel Mushrooms

 

We hunt Morel Mushrooms every spring where we live here in Brown County, Indiana.  They are very hard to find because you have to look in a location that's just right.  Shade with part sun, moisture (but not wet), usually at the bottom of valleys.  It's like going on an Easter egg hunt with camouflaged eggs that might not even be there. 

 

We soak them in water for a little bit.  That helps keep them moist before you cook them.   

Megan is cutting them in half down the middle and cutting off any dirt at the root.  Sami didn't help because she won't eat them anymore; she gorged herself on the morels once and made herself sick.  

While still damp, we roll them in flour, salt and pepper.  Everyone does it differently, like dipping them in egg first or rolling them in corn meal.

We fry them in hot oil till crispy and lightly browned.  Some people fry them in bacon grease, but I don't want the bacon to hide the mushroom's flavor.

 Megan is gently flipping them over.  

Time to eat!  These are a local delicacy, and sell for about $25/lb.  They taste very  light and meaty at the same time, and taste nothing like button mushrooms. 

 

We Were Busy Again but Calming Down Now

We've had a couple of busy weeks again.  Here's what's been happening:

-My mother had pneumonia so the girls and I have been helping out by taking Mom to her doctor's appointments, getting groceries, and helping out around the house.  My sister Amy also helped out a lot in these areas.  Abby would have helped, but she had a lot to deal with because of her terminal brother-in-law. 

-My blind, special needs brother broke his ankle and was staying at Mom and Dad's, so I helped out by driving him to and from his group home and helping him around the house.  Amy, again helped a lot.   

-We managed to go to story time, play dates, and have sewing lessons in there a couple of times.  Those were fun!

-I had my own set of dental appointments and Sami had doctor's appointments. 

-My sister's brother-in-law passed away so we helped babysit her kids a tiny bit, and also helped watch my brother so that my parents and I could take turns going to the funeral home. 

On the good list? 

-We've had a couple of really beautiful weather days.

-I got to mow the lawn (yes, I like mowing)

-Our Dave Ramsey gazelle budget is rocking and rolling. 

-My tooth that has been hurting since early January is finally feeling better.

-We learned how to make onigiri.  Yum! 

-I'm learning how to make socks.  Even though I'm screwing it up, it's still fun. 

-Sami is still doing well with her OCD meds, although I can see a trend and we may have to increase her dosage a little.  We'll see if calming our schedule down helps her this week before we change any medication.  She's so brave. 

-We get to spend today at HOME.  :)

I've been remarkably optimistic even with how busy we are.  I hope I stay this way, and I hope that our schedule doesn't come up with any more emergencies.   

Happy Birthday, Sami!

Sami's 11th birthday was Sunday.  We wish her Daddy were here and not in Iraq, but she had a great time and enjoyed her time with her friends and family.

She really liked getting her Webkinz Sherbet Bunny.  She has wanted that bunny for three years now, so I finally relented and let her have it.  I had to get it on Ebay, and the prices have finally come down a little.  She understood that it would take a big chunk of her present budget, but it's been her wish to have one for so long. 

While she enjoyed all her presents, she really liked getting a cake from her Aunt Cindy that looked just like the one that Harry Potter got on his 11th birthday from Hagrid, and she and her sister have been wearing their new Hogwarts House hats that my friend Christy made for them (Sami has Griffindor and Megan has Ravenclaw).  

Sewing Lessons

I'm finally getting around to showing pictures of our quilt progress.  The girls have been taking over a lot more of the responsibilities of their quilts, and Amy and I are backing away more and more.  We just sit with them, tell them what to do, and watch their progress so that they don't do something horribly wrong.

Sami is surprisingly good at using the sewing machine.  Megan is learning patience and sticking with something, even after it gets "boring."  I'm learning to back off and let the girls do their own work, even if it means that it won't be exactly as I envisioned it.

These are pictures of the girls putting their quilt backs together.  The fabric wasn't large enough to cover the entire back, so they are piecing together four big rectangles with a plus-sign in the middle.  Our next sewing lesson will be pinning the quilt top to the batting and back.  

Knitting

My sister showed me the very basics of knitting a few years ago, and a friend of mine has been knitting like crazy, so I've decided to try  knitting again. 

I'm not making anything official yet, but I've been practicing making swatches.   I've managed to make a button hole and a basket weave.  I've learned to live with the mistakes while I'm learning.  I've been learning how to correct mistakes now that I've gotten more practice.  I've also learned that there are certain yarns that are terrible to work with (at least for a beginner), and some that are more forgiving.  I wish I knew what the yarns were so that I can avoid them in the future, but they are freebies from my sister without packaging so I have no idea what I'm working with.
 

Basic seed stitch.

Knitting every row.  See the holes where the yarn got twisted?  This was a cotton type yarn that didn't knit very well, but I like the way that it feels. 

Alternating rows of knitting, ribbing, seed, double rib and a button hole.  This was a wool type yarn that was a little more forgiving, but I think it was blended with something so it didn't stretch well and was scratchy. 

This is a basket weave I'm trying so that I can learn how to read patterns.  It's a cheap acrylic yarn, but it stretches easily  for a beginner. 

The Zoo

We had a perfect weather day here in Indiana, so we made a field trip to the zoo.  The girls had a blast, they got to spend some time with their cousins and uncle, and I got some much needed sunshine to boost my spirits. 

Beating OCD

The OCD medication is continuing to work it's magic on Sami.  She's done many things this week that would have paralyzed her just a couple of weeks ago, such as walking barefoot outside, walking on the back deck barefooted, taking a bath instead of a shower, going to the zoo, using a public restroom, touching the car, wearing flip-flops, and using shower soap.  The old Sami is coming back. 

She's been doing activities on her exposures list (OCD map).  The medicine makes it easier to try the scary things, and I hope that these exposures will make her stronger for the day that she weans off the medication in the far future.

OCD and Medication...It's Working

So far, so good on the medication.  Even at the low starting dose, I can see a difference in Sami.  She wore flip-flops, she's been laying on the ground and burying herself in stuffed toys from the garage box, and she's been able to calm herself down when OCD does try to spiral out of control.  She's turning back into the pre-OCD Sami.  The OCD isn't gone, but it's more manageable. 

I know that the medication in itself is not the answer, and we'll have to continue with exposure and CBT.  The medicine has turned out to be a nice addition to our arsenal to fight OCD and get it at a reasonable level.   I just want her to feel as normal as possible and be able to fight OCD.  She'll have it all her life and the sooner she can effectively deal with it, the better.

My mother in law is understanding, and has experienced OCD in her own life, although her's presented itself differently.  She was wanting me to reassure Sami when she has the reassuring OCD moments, because it comforted her when she had those moments.  I explained to her (I don't know if she understood) that I can't feed the OCD when it demands that I reassure her.  If I reassure her OCD, it will ask again and again and again.  I think she thought I was being cruel when the OCD wanted reassured that it was okay to touch something, and my answer would be, "Oh, is that mean old OCD bothering you again?" 

Sami knows what she needs.  When my mother in law wanted to tell her it was okay to touch something, Sami would correct her and tell her that she can't do that because it makes the OCD stronger.  Sami told me in private that Grandma has a good heart and has her heart in the right place.  Sami is right, and Grandma really wants her to get better and loves her.  Grandma gets to read the OCD book next so that she can better understand how to help Sami. 

OCD and Medication

Sami's doctor's visit went fine.  The nurse practitioner agreed with me about starting Sami on a low dose of medication to help her in defeating OCD.  I already knew what I wanted Sami to take, and that was exactly what the NP recommended.  I really like our NP.  She really understand us and our needs. 

When I called my mother-in-law to tell her, I mentioned that I keep thinking that if I tried harder then maybe she wouldn't need any medication.  Sami heard me say that, came over hugged me, and said, "You did a good job, Mommy.  I just needed a little boost!" 

Out of the mouths of babes. 

She starts taking it tomorrow morning.  Wish us luck! 

OCD and Medication

Sami's been doing the exposure therapy for her OCD, and it's working, but she has been struggling so much that we've decided to try medication to help her get over the hump.  She spends so much time of the day fighting and resisting the OCD.  She is really trying and winning some battles, but when I mentioned medication she jumped on the idea willingly and said that she wanted the help that medication might bring.

I feel horrible about getting her medication.  What if I had tried a little harder as a mother?  What if I had coached her better?  What if we just tried different exposures?  What if I had given her a couple more days?

We've never had her "officially" documented as having OCD.  I've had personal experience with insurance companies denying me coverage because of a very simple pre-existing condition.  We've gone for years without OCD being written in her medical records just for that reason.  Now that we are going to get mediation, I don't think we'll be able to avoid that anymore. 

Sigh.

Quilts and Sewing

We are having another sewing lesson with Amy today.  We had a field trip last week to pick out our quilt backs, batting and quilting thread.  I learned a lot just on that trip.  I learned about the different types of batting that are available, and I learned that there are different types of thread available and that to quilt we needed "machine quilting thread." I was amazed that there were so many different types of thread and that they all had a specific purpose. 

Here are pictures of the finished quilt tops and the quilt backs.  The girls picked everything out themselves.  The picture quality isn't good because it was cloudy outside and I had an awful lamp for lighting.

Sami's quilt is very colorful.  The picture doesn't do the bright colors justice, and several colors can't be seen in the picture.  I will retake the picture later when it's not in the back of the car and I'm not in my bathrobe.     

Megan's quilt is still colorful, but is more muted.

And here is mine.

I want to make a quilt for my bed, but it's hard to figure out what to make that is dog and cat hair proof.  It seems silly to make a home-made quilt that will be covered in hair and will need to be washed constantly.  I suppose I could make one out of burlap and dye it.

Crafty Days

We've been working on bead jewelry again this week. 

This is what Megan made.  She chose glass mushroom beads to make a bracelet and matching earrings.  The earrings are a little heavy, so she wants to save those for special occasions. 

This is what Sami is working on.  She chose Swarovski crystals in red, simple beads in clear and blue, and eventually she will add a clear and blue heart pendant.  Sami is very meticulous and is taking her time finishing her project.  I can't wait to show her finished project.   

I used multi-colored beads, but I'm not sure what they are made of...I just thought they were pretty.  Polymer, maybe?  I added some odd and end glass beads in between.

Beading is a fun project, but can quickly turn expensive if one isn't disciplined when picking out beads.  I had a couple of tools left over from years ago when I wanted to do beading (but never got around to it), and we now have the metal thingies (pins?) to connect the beads.  Now the only expense is buying the beads and being careful not to buy too many.

She Touched the Toilet! :)

How many parents can say that they are proud that their daughter touched the toilet?  Not only that, but she stuck her hand IN THE WATER? 

Apparently Sami's OCD made her use way too much toilet paper after going #1.  She flushed, and it clogged the toilet.  Sami didn't want it to overflow and she was too embarrassed to ask for help, so all by herself she STUCK HER HAND IN THE TOILET WATER AND PULLED OUT THE CLOGGED PAPER. 

She told me afterwards and I whooped for joy!  We were both very happy that she was able to kick those OCD germ phobias to the curb for just a few moments and do something that non-OCD people would avoid.  She was so proud that she told her grandma and called the other grandma to tell her, too. 

How strange is that?  Bragging to the grandmothers about sticking her hand in the toilet water?  I don't care.  We had a real good moment and we were happy. 

Forget the Snow Days

Forget the Snow Days.  We close down school when it's nice outside!  It's the opposite of public schools, where they have school when the weather is decent and close when it's nasty outside.  I only knew of one other homeschooling family that did this until I read The Juggling Payne's Blog about the same thing.  Surely there must be more. 

We snuggle up inside when the weather is bad.  We read, do school work, we do unschool work, make crafts, cook food, and draw.   

When it's warm and beautiful outside, we drop school and enjoy the day outside.  Of course, learning is still happening.  The girls don't always know it's happening, but it does.  We've been known to take a good book and have read-aloud time together in swing set fort (it's big enough for the three of us, the pug and various cats).  They make crafts with natural elements, they run, they pretend, and swing, and they explore. 

The bonus is that it helps Sami's OCD.  She does better when she is outside in nice weather, and the outside germs just don't bother her as much when she is outside playing (as opposed to being inside and worrying about the outside germs that we carry inside). 

Last Friday, the weather was gorgeous and we were going to meet some friends for a park play date.  After getting a late start because of an OCD meltdown, we finally got on the way.  Sami was worried the whole drive over and was having OCD moments the whole trip.  After we got there, it was if OCD had never been there.  After a couple of hours of play, Sami didn't want to leave.  As Sami put it, "I had two glorious OCD free hours!"

Jewelry Making and Library Time

The girls had library story time yesterday.  For the last couple of weeks, the kids have been coming up with various ways of reporting on inventions.  Some have made things and some have done power point presentations.  Some have had hands-on demonstrations.  Each homeschool kids did their own thing. 

Megan talked about the history of Lego bricks.  Who knew that Lego's were originally called "automatic binding bricks"?  When she was preparing her report, she wanted to sit at the computer and type it herself.  She's always been a natural speller, but it still surprised me when she sat down and just started typing away without needing spell check.  She was scared to talk in front of the kids, but she did it and was proud of herself.

Sami struggled for three weeks on what to do.  She is such a perfectionist that she convinced herself that she needed to make an original invention that worked for her report.  I finally got her focused after two weeks of struggling, so she ended up making a solar panel windmill from a kit.  Sami was very scared to talk in front of the other kids also, but she showed her windmill in a show-and-tell fashion.  We were both pleased that she was able to do this after all that she's been through in the last few weeks.

That afternoon, the library had a bead class where we got to make our own bracelets.  The hardest part was choosing what beads to use.  After the beads were chosen, the rest kinda fell into place.  Sami, in her perfectionist way, took over an hour to choose her beads and then another hour putting it together and taking it apart to try and make it perfect.  She was so frustrated, but she stuck with it and finished it.  I'm using my 40%off coupons at Hobby Lobby today and get the girls some more beads so that they can make some more jewelry at home.

 

Mine is on top, Sami's is in the middle, and Megan's is on the bottom.  Megan got done early and had time to make a pair of matching earrings.  

Strep Test Results

The doctor's office called today.  Sami has no strep.  I'm glad about that because at least she doesn't have any need for antibiotics.  That means that it isn't strep that is causing Sami's OCD flare up. 

Sami is still fighting the battles, and still winning a lot.  Her hands are raw and red from washing, but I'm thankful that she willingly lets me put a soothing, healing lotion on her hands at night.

We are still waning from the very worst days of the last two weeks.  I wish I knew why because I would certainly like to keep the waning going.  I've made a huge effort to keep us at home a lot more, as that seems to keep her calmer.  We did go out on Tuesday to go clothes shopping, quilt piece shopping, and visit with my sister; that did produce a lot of "hiccups" as expected, but she did quite well in fighting OCD. 

The extended family has been supportive, but it's obvious that they have no clue what OCD means.  She's my daughter, and I'm still struggling with what it means.  I am blessed that they try to understand and are doing their best to help, but only Sami can know what it really feels like.  They are finally picking up on the fact that no amount of reasoning or cajolling about "there aren't any germs on the toy," will convince OCD otherwise and can actually make OCD worse. 

We did get some more homeschooling done yesterday.  Both girls built solar projects from a kit and had a great time making them work on our first really sunny day in a long time.  Sami is going to talk about her solar project at the library today.  Megan worked on a report about the history of LEGOs so she could talk about it in the library; since Megan is a natural speller and fast on the keyboard, she typed it all herself (but I did help with dictation). 

We spent a lot of time outside enjoying the 60+ degree weather.  I cleaned up the garden area and burned off some dried flower, tomato and herb stems.  Megan got covered in mud (thankfully she was wearing old clothes for once).  Here's the neat part:  Sami played BAREFOOTED OUTSIDE.  I was happy that she was barefooted with the outside germs and mud, but I was sad because she thinks that shoes are the germiest things in the world and she hates shoe germs.  I'll take every little win we get.

It's nice to get some smoother sailing and it's nice to go in a positive direction.

Today's Accomplishments

I am happy to say that we all got some meat-and-potatoes homeschool work done yesterday.  Sami couldn't sit at the kitchen table while doing her math and other written work, but she did do her work. 

Megan fussed about doing her math at first, but she sat down, zipped right through, and (here's the funny part) ASKED FOR MORE.  Megan said that she LIKED IT.  I am writing in caps because it was that shocking to me.  She has never once before mentioned liking math.  I am hoping that it is because of my superior parenting skills (*cue crickets chirping*).  Seriously, I have been constantly telling her how good she is at it and that she's a natural and how fun math was for me as a kid because it's like solving puzzles...maybe some of that sunk in.  I'm just delighted, whatever the reason. 

I read out loud about OCD in front of Sami and Meg.  Up to this point, Sami wanted to keep it to herself because she was embarrassed, but now she is accepting that Meg is part of the team and it's okay to talk about it in front of her.  Never mind that Megan was reading, "Pencil of Doom" by Andy Griffiths at the same time.  I didn't stop Megan because I was happy that Sami was including her in the same room. 

We had several OCD hiccups today.  Sami was able to win some OCD battles today, such as touching the Nintendo DS, sitting on my lap, and calming herself through several episodes of OCD nagging her.  She seems to be getting stronger at telling OCD to back off while she delays, changes, or stops the rituals.  It's a good start to the CBT, and I'm hoping that the momentum sticks.  Even though we've only targeted the smaller of the OCD triggers, she's been working on her least favorite bigger triggers by delaying the rituals.  As long as she is happy with her progress and it isn't impossible to keep trying, I think we can bypass any medications. 

OCD vs Politics

Sami and I were discussing her OCD last night, and we made a revelation.  OCD is like a politician.  Now mind you, I am very conservative, but I think this list could work in many cases for liberal or conservative values.

• Bossy
• Won't take "no" for an answer
• Lies about everything but is extremely convincing
• Distorts the truth
• Isn't happy unless you do exactly what it wants, and then it demands even more
• Doesn't do any of the work but expects you to work your butt off for it
• Wants to rule every aspect of your life and take away your freedoms
• Pleasurable things must be taxed
• Takes credit for helping you temporarily feel good

I'm sure there are more things I could add to the list, but these were just off the cuff. 

OCD IV

We're still maintaining in the OCD symptoms.  The symptoms are seeming less severe, but still there.  Sami seems to be coping with them a little better.  Does that mean that she is getting better because of the CBT, or because she is waning (as opposed to waxing) in this bout of OCD? 

She was able to sit some today, but only on two chairs, my bed, and the kitchen chair if it was covered in a clean towel (the first two, she was convinced, had touched Lysol from the kitchen table.  Never mind that I didn't use Lysol).  She's been able to sooth herself and she is learning to wait out the episodes.  This is critical because it is a key factor in battling OCD.  Showers calm her down a lot, so I quit complaining at the length of her showers and I will just pay the increased water bills with a smile. 

Interestingly enough, I've been reading many OCD articles that also include Tourette's Syndrome and tics; OCD and Tourette's/tics are very closely related and many children have both.  After learning about tics, I think I've discovered what has been wrong with a couple of other relatives of mine.  I'm not a doctor, and maybe the fact that I've been reading so much about it makes me look for it in everyone, but there were so many dots connected that I swear I saw the picture.  

I'm looking forward to having a slightly normal homeschool schedule next week.  I think it would do us some good to get back into a routine, even if it has bumps. 

I do have some good news!  I've finally been successfully keeping other people's schedules out of our lives.  We've done a couple of things that we wanted to do, but we haven't been constantly running from here to there.  It's a good thing, too.  It's helped with Sami, and Sami's OCD has forced me to learn to tell people no just to help us have peace in our lives.  God shows us the way, doesn't he? 

OCD III

We've made a little progress in the right direction.  With CBT, any little win is actually a HUGE win.  Baby steps turn into winning the race.  The way OCD came roaring in so hard and fast, it's hard to be patient while it slowly works it's way back out. 

Sami was able to sit some today and was able to delay washing her hands for quite a while.  She was able to go to the library and participate in Story Time (but she sat in a chair because she couldn't sit on the floor), but I was happy that we made it out of the house at all.  She sat at the dinner table while we ate, which was also nice. 

OCD has been Sami's homeschooling this week, or at least reading and learning about it.  We've read a few other fun books and listened to stories on CD, but that's it this week.  That's all we've had the energy to do. 

Last night was terrible.  She accidentally stepped in a little bit of kitty litter that got knocked out of the litter box sometime during the evening.  She just couldn't get it out of her head that it was okay to go to bed with her dirty feet.  I gave her a little benedryl at her request to help her sleep, tucked her in when she got nice a sleepy, and had her usual Harry Potter CD to listen to so that her mind would relax.  She appeared happy and near sleep.

She came into my bedroom crying a little while later, after I had dozed off.  She just couldn't get over having her dirty feet in her bed.  She didn't want to sleep with me because my bed was crowded (Meg was already there)  but she just couldn't sleep in her bed because her sheets were now dirty.  She layed with Meg and me while while I soothed her and calmed her.  I thought she was falling asleep, so I dozed again.  Apparently she got up and tried to get in her bed third time, but woke me up crying again because she just couldn't do it.  She finally decided to stay in bed with us and finally fell asleep somewhere near midnight. 

Poor Meg has been left to her own devices a lot this week.  Sami didn't want Meg listening to all that OCD was causing and felt imbarassed to have Megan hear about it, but after some mild convincing she now realizes that Meg is one of her biggest cheerleaders and is very supportive.  I want to get us all studying this as a family so that Meg doesn't get left out and Sami doesn't feel isolated. 

I've been keeping Dave up to date on our progress while he is in Iraq.  I don't like burdening him with all that has been going on, but it wouldn't be fair to keep what's going on with our daughter a secret either.  Besides, I don't have anyone here who really understands what we are going through.  My family is sypathetic, but they just don't get it. 

Since Sami survived the library yesterday, I'm feeling hopeful that she'll do okay at the homeschool Valentine's party. 

OCD 2

We did end up going to the doctor to get Sami tested for the strep virus.  I don't know any results yet, but am anxiously awaiting. 

This week her OCD syptoms have spiralled out of control.  It's been difficult for all of us.  We are doing the CBT excercises but it's too early to see any results yet.  We did give her OCD a name (Homer), have completed her OCD "map" and put a "temperature" on everything.  The map lists all over her obsessions and compulsions, and the temperature puts them in most difficult to resist to easier to resist order.  We start with the easiest to battle and work our way up the list little by little. 

The hard part is that I HAVE to let Sami be in control or it won't work.  I can't resist the urges for her, and it breaks my heart to see her suffer.  She wants to be better so badly and she hates what OCD has done to her.  We did this once, and we will do it again. 

I am very close to going ahead and trying an SSRI on her to give her a boost just to get this train rolling in the right direction. 

It's so difficult trying to manage with OCD's demands even when we are at home, but going out has become a nightmare.  Activities that we love are making me sick with worry because Homer hates to be out with germs and hates to touch the car.  We have story time at the library tomorrow and a Valentine's Day party Friday.  I pray that we can actually make it and I pray that once there that everything will go smoothly.

It's night, so I'm signing off.  Night time has become extremely difficult as well because Homer won't let her sleep and tells her horrible things.  Listening to stories on CD really helps, and I hope it works again tonight.  I'm exhausted. 

OCD

Sami and I are journeying through her OCD again.  She had a good bout of it during 2007-2008.  It started before that, but that's when we recognized it and kicked it to the curb the first time.

Late last fall and early winter, OCD creeped back into our lives.  It doesn't seem as bad this time, but it's here none the less.   We are fighting it the same way we did last time, by using cognitive-behavioral therapy  (CBT) at home.  Talking Back to OCD by John March is our guide, and it is very helpful.  There is also a good children's book out also called Mr. Worry by Holly Niner.  As we read these books together, she keeps pointing out what she has experienced that is similar or exactly as the authors describe it. 

I read Saving Sammy by Beth Maloney by myself.  It's a heart breaking story about a boy with severe OCD that was caused by a strep infection.  It's made me consider getting Sami a blood test to rule that out, just to make our lives easier.  I don't think that Sami has ever had strep, but neither did the family in the story.  Apparently one can have it and never know it.

It's fortunate that she is older now (ten years old) because she is better able to understand the mechanics behind OCD a little better and she is able to recognize when OCD trying to make her obey it's demands.  Vitamin B has helped a lot, and I would let her take antibiotics if she did have any strep, but I don't want her to take other medications like SSRI's if she can control it through CBT.  I'm not anti-medicine, but we were able to get OCD at bay before without meds so I want to go that route again first.

I am glad we are homeschooling while she struggles with this.  We've made it part of our curriculum, studying and learning about it.  Knowing Sami, I think that a public school setting would be difficult under the best of circumstances.  While dealing with OCD, I think that she would completely melt down. 

Wish us luck!

Greek Mythology

Sometimes we pick a random book or CD set from the library.  Sometimes it's because we judge a book by it's cover, and sometimes I pick one for them because I want to see if the girls will get interested in a subject that I think matters.  In this case, it was because I knew there was a kid's movie out for this book so it must be somewhat interesting.  Is that lame or what? 

I checked out the CD set of Percy Jacson and the Olympians by Rick Riordan to listen while we are in the car.  The girls really got into the story, and started asking questions about Greek mythology.  I got more books from the library about Greek myths, including D'Aulaires' Book of Greek Myths, and they keep having me read stories to them aloud from the book.  They are also looking at the DK book with pictures of the various gods and monsters and are reading myth stories on their own.  They are really enjoying learning about the different gods and their stories. 

It's fun to see them learn something that they have chosen, even if by accident.  Knowing my girls, I think that if I had started a unit study without first reading Rick Riordan's books, they would have complained the whole time.

Too Many Interruptions, Part II

After reading Christy's blog, I see that I need a lot more tweaking on my resolve to eliminate interruptions.  I feel like a firefighter who has to keep putting out fires.  Instead of living our lives, we are reacting to distractions and problems.   

This week has had a lot more interruption than most, even after stating that I wasn't going to take it anymore.  I've been forced three different times this week to take appointment times because I was desperate.  One was for a cat that was bitten and hurt, one was for a tooth filling of mine that needed adjusted, and one was for another cat that turned mysteriously ill and lethargic. 

The cats I had to get in right away and I took the first available.  Is that wrong?  I am responsible for their health and would feel awful if I just let them heal on their own.  Of course they got injured and ill on different days. 

The dentist office could only fit me in Tuesday at 5:40 PM, which is right in our dinner time which means I would have to feed the kids a really early meal or really late meal (we live 45 minutes away from the dentist), or I could wait till Friday and be in pain all week.  The receptionist hemmed and hawed on the phone while clacking away at the computer, untill I felt grateful and priveledged that they could see me at all. 

Christy advises a "rhythm of the home," and I am going to get one.  I think that I will be taking lessons from her and find out how she does it.  We need more peace in our lives.  It's not a matter of wanting more peace, but we really NEED it.  I think our stress levels are bringing back Sami's OCD and making us all grumpy and depressed. 

I will pray and ask God for guidance to lead us in a way that is best for us and to help us through this.  Too many interruptions are really affecting us in a bad way. 

Too Many Interruptions

We barely have extra-curricular activities anymore.  We used to be so overscheduled that we would rarely spend a day at home enjoying our lives.  I've got it down to School-Age Story Time at the library (geared towards older homeschoolers) and sewing lessons with my sister, and Friday park playdates in the summer.  That's three days committed.  But we still have too many interruptions on the other four days that we should be spending at home learning in a quiet environment.

The girls are getting really frustrated with having our lives revolving around everyone else and our necessary commitments outside of the house.  We still need to go to the doctor, dentist and orthodontist when needed, the store for food, helping out my elderly parents, visiting with friends...and every week there are several things added that are completely unexpected and can't be avoided.  Or so I thought. 

So why are we so overbooked?  I think part of it is because of when those commitments occur.  All of these things happen right smack in the middle of the day.  11:00.  Because we homeschool, we are given middle-of-the-day appointments that no one else wants.  I think that if we change what we can to be first thing in the morning or last thing in the day, then we'll be better off.

I also think that once people find out that you homeschool that you should be available at the last minute.  They don't respect your time as much as someone who works a job or has children in school.  They think that we should just be ready to babysit at the last minute or take all the appointment times that no one else wants. 

A homeschooler's schedule is a double edged sword.  We can do what we want when we want, but it also means that we can easily become available whenever anyone else wants.  I'm going to start saying NO.  We deserve better. 

We love visiting with our friends and helping my parents, so we aren't going to give that up.  We have to go to the dentist, orthodontist and doctor when needed, so we can't give those up.  I will be a lot pickier about what appointment times people try to give so it doesn't screw up our whole day, and I can ask for better days or more advance warning on other matters.  Time to lovingly put up some boundaries for our own sake and sanity. 

What Kind of Blogging?

I was thinking about my blog and why I was doing it.  The real purpose is to keep my husband and friends up to date on what we do in the Newlin household; we live far away from our friends and my husband is in Iraq.  Pretty simple.  It's hard to do it consistently, but I still manage to plug in what we are doing and what our goals are as a family and as homeschoolers.  I'm never going to be a "famous" or even "popular" blogger.  I just write simply. 

Then I got to thinking about other homeschool blogs out there.  Some are very warm and helpful and give lots of good advice on homeschooling (Thanks, Christy!).  Some are fun and whimsical and still manage to give great points of view on homeschooling (like the Juggling Paynes).  Some, dare I say it,  just irk me. 

The ones that irk me are they ones that appear to be helpful, but just come across as don't you wish you could be as wonderful as we are?  I don't enjoy reading those blogs.  They have beautiful custom-designed layouts, beautiful artwork, top-notch photography, and their families are the stellar, perfect, smiling models of super intelligent, above-grade level scholars.  Their science projects would put NASA to shame.  Their craft projects send Martha Stewart sobbing in her custom-blended tea. 

I question the purpose of these blogs.  They are certainly well put together and easy on the eyes.  Their homeschool efforts are certainly noteworthy.  But I just can't read those blogs anymore.  They tell you that they are homey, simple and humble...but humbleness means not having to toot your own horn.  I am convinced that they aren't blogging to be helpful, but rather to maintain their fan club of adoring sheep.  I think I would enjoy reading those blogs if they would actual mention their difficulties and write with sincere humility.   False humility is sickening. 

Since I am human, I do feel jealousy.  I do feel spite.  But since I am human, I am allowed to shield myself from those who would make me feel less worthy than what I am.  I think that my reading those types of blogs just brings me down, and that makes those types of blogs the complete opposite of helpful.  They might be great for some people, but not for me.