OCD III

We've made a little progress in the right direction.  With CBT, any little win is actually a HUGE win.  Baby steps turn into winning the race.  The way OCD came roaring in so hard and fast, it's hard to be patient while it slowly works it's way back out. 

Sami was able to sit some today and was able to delay washing her hands for quite a while.  She was able to go to the library and participate in Story Time (but she sat in a chair because she couldn't sit on the floor), but I was happy that we made it out of the house at all.  She sat at the dinner table while we ate, which was also nice. 

OCD has been Sami's homeschooling this week, or at least reading and learning about it.  We've read a few other fun books and listened to stories on CD, but that's it this week.  That's all we've had the energy to do. 

Last night was terrible.  She accidentally stepped in a little bit of kitty litter that got knocked out of the litter box sometime during the evening.  She just couldn't get it out of her head that it was okay to go to bed with her dirty feet.  I gave her a little benedryl at her request to help her sleep, tucked her in when she got nice a sleepy, and had her usual Harry Potter CD to listen to so that her mind would relax.  She appeared happy and near sleep.

She came into my bedroom crying a little while later, after I had dozed off.  She just couldn't get over having her dirty feet in her bed.  She didn't want to sleep with me because my bed was crowded (Meg was already there)  but she just couldn't sleep in her bed because her sheets were now dirty.  She layed with Meg and me while while I soothed her and calmed her.  I thought she was falling asleep, so I dozed again.  Apparently she got up and tried to get in her bed third time, but woke me up crying again because she just couldn't do it.  She finally decided to stay in bed with us and finally fell asleep somewhere near midnight. 

Poor Meg has been left to her own devices a lot this week.  Sami didn't want Meg listening to all that OCD was causing and felt imbarassed to have Megan hear about it, but after some mild convincing she now realizes that Meg is one of her biggest cheerleaders and is very supportive.  I want to get us all studying this as a family so that Meg doesn't get left out and Sami doesn't feel isolated. 

I've been keeping Dave up to date on our progress while he is in Iraq.  I don't like burdening him with all that has been going on, but it wouldn't be fair to keep what's going on with our daughter a secret either.  Besides, I don't have anyone here who really understands what we are going through.  My family is sypathetic, but they just don't get it. 

Since Sami survived the library yesterday, I'm feeling hopeful that she'll do okay at the homeschool Valentine's party. 

OCD 2

We did end up going to the doctor to get Sami tested for the strep virus.  I don't know any results yet, but am anxiously awaiting. 

This week her OCD syptoms have spiralled out of control.  It's been difficult for all of us.  We are doing the CBT excercises but it's too early to see any results yet.  We did give her OCD a name (Homer), have completed her OCD "map" and put a "temperature" on everything.  The map lists all over her obsessions and compulsions, and the temperature puts them in most difficult to resist to easier to resist order.  We start with the easiest to battle and work our way up the list little by little. 

The hard part is that I HAVE to let Sami be in control or it won't work.  I can't resist the urges for her, and it breaks my heart to see her suffer.  She wants to be better so badly and she hates what OCD has done to her.  We did this once, and we will do it again. 

I am very close to going ahead and trying an SSRI on her to give her a boost just to get this train rolling in the right direction. 

It's so difficult trying to manage with OCD's demands even when we are at home, but going out has become a nightmare.  Activities that we love are making me sick with worry because Homer hates to be out with germs and hates to touch the car.  We have story time at the library tomorrow and a Valentine's Day party Friday.  I pray that we can actually make it and I pray that once there that everything will go smoothly.

It's night, so I'm signing off.  Night time has become extremely difficult as well because Homer won't let her sleep and tells her horrible things.  Listening to stories on CD really helps, and I hope it works again tonight.  I'm exhausted. 

OCD

Sami and I are journeying through her OCD again.  She had a good bout of it during 2007-2008.  It started before that, but that's when we recognized it and kicked it to the curb the first time.

Late last fall and early winter, OCD creeped back into our lives.  It doesn't seem as bad this time, but it's here none the less.   We are fighting it the same way we did last time, by using cognitive-behavioral therapy  (CBT) at home.  Talking Back to OCD by John March is our guide, and it is very helpful.  There is also a good children's book out also called Mr. Worry by Holly Niner.  As we read these books together, she keeps pointing out what she has experienced that is similar or exactly as the authors describe it. 

I read Saving Sammy by Beth Maloney by myself.  It's a heart breaking story about a boy with severe OCD that was caused by a strep infection.  It's made me consider getting Sami a blood test to rule that out, just to make our lives easier.  I don't think that Sami has ever had strep, but neither did the family in the story.  Apparently one can have it and never know it.

It's fortunate that she is older now (ten years old) because she is better able to understand the mechanics behind OCD a little better and she is able to recognize when OCD trying to make her obey it's demands.  Vitamin B has helped a lot, and I would let her take antibiotics if she did have any strep, but I don't want her to take other medications like SSRI's if she can control it through CBT.  I'm not anti-medicine, but we were able to get OCD at bay before without meds so I want to go that route again first.

I am glad we are homeschooling while she struggles with this.  We've made it part of our curriculum, studying and learning about it.  Knowing Sami, I think that a public school setting would be difficult under the best of circumstances.  While dealing with OCD, I think that she would completely melt down. 

Wish us luck!

Greek Mythology

Sometimes we pick a random book or CD set from the library.  Sometimes it's because we judge a book by it's cover, and sometimes I pick one for them because I want to see if the girls will get interested in a subject that I think matters.  In this case, it was because I knew there was a kid's movie out for this book so it must be somewhat interesting.  Is that lame or what? 

I checked out the CD set of Percy Jacson and the Olympians by Rick Riordan to listen while we are in the car.  The girls really got into the story, and started asking questions about Greek mythology.  I got more books from the library about Greek myths, including D'Aulaires' Book of Greek Myths, and they keep having me read stories to them aloud from the book.  They are also looking at the DK book with pictures of the various gods and monsters and are reading myth stories on their own.  They are really enjoying learning about the different gods and their stories. 

It's fun to see them learn something that they have chosen, even if by accident.  Knowing my girls, I think that if I had started a unit study without first reading Rick Riordan's books, they would have complained the whole time.

Too Many Interruptions, Part II

After reading Christy's blog, I see that I need a lot more tweaking on my resolve to eliminate interruptions.  I feel like a firefighter who has to keep putting out fires.  Instead of living our lives, we are reacting to distractions and problems.   

This week has had a lot more interruption than most, even after stating that I wasn't going to take it anymore.  I've been forced three different times this week to take appointment times because I was desperate.  One was for a cat that was bitten and hurt, one was for a tooth filling of mine that needed adjusted, and one was for another cat that turned mysteriously ill and lethargic. 

The cats I had to get in right away and I took the first available.  Is that wrong?  I am responsible for their health and would feel awful if I just let them heal on their own.  Of course they got injured and ill on different days. 

The dentist office could only fit me in Tuesday at 5:40 PM, which is right in our dinner time which means I would have to feed the kids a really early meal or really late meal (we live 45 minutes away from the dentist), or I could wait till Friday and be in pain all week.  The receptionist hemmed and hawed on the phone while clacking away at the computer, untill I felt grateful and priveledged that they could see me at all. 

Christy advises a "rhythm of the home," and I am going to get one.  I think that I will be taking lessons from her and find out how she does it.  We need more peace in our lives.  It's not a matter of wanting more peace, but we really NEED it.  I think our stress levels are bringing back Sami's OCD and making us all grumpy and depressed. 

I will pray and ask God for guidance to lead us in a way that is best for us and to help us through this.  Too many interruptions are really affecting us in a bad way. 

Too Many Interruptions

We barely have extra-curricular activities anymore.  We used to be so overscheduled that we would rarely spend a day at home enjoying our lives.  I've got it down to School-Age Story Time at the library (geared towards older homeschoolers) and sewing lessons with my sister, and Friday park playdates in the summer.  That's three days committed.  But we still have too many interruptions on the other four days that we should be spending at home learning in a quiet environment.

The girls are getting really frustrated with having our lives revolving around everyone else and our necessary commitments outside of the house.  We still need to go to the doctor, dentist and orthodontist when needed, the store for food, helping out my elderly parents, visiting with friends...and every week there are several things added that are completely unexpected and can't be avoided.  Or so I thought. 

So why are we so overbooked?  I think part of it is because of when those commitments occur.  All of these things happen right smack in the middle of the day.  11:00.  Because we homeschool, we are given middle-of-the-day appointments that no one else wants.  I think that if we change what we can to be first thing in the morning or last thing in the day, then we'll be better off.

I also think that once people find out that you homeschool that you should be available at the last minute.  They don't respect your time as much as someone who works a job or has children in school.  They think that we should just be ready to babysit at the last minute or take all the appointment times that no one else wants. 

A homeschooler's schedule is a double edged sword.  We can do what we want when we want, but it also means that we can easily become available whenever anyone else wants.  I'm going to start saying NO.  We deserve better. 

We love visiting with our friends and helping my parents, so we aren't going to give that up.  We have to go to the dentist, orthodontist and doctor when needed, so we can't give those up.  I will be a lot pickier about what appointment times people try to give so it doesn't screw up our whole day, and I can ask for better days or more advance warning on other matters.  Time to lovingly put up some boundaries for our own sake and sanity. 

What Kind of Blogging?

I was thinking about my blog and why I was doing it.  The real purpose is to keep my husband and friends up to date on what we do in the Newlin household; we live far away from our friends and my husband is in Iraq.  Pretty simple.  It's hard to do it consistently, but I still manage to plug in what we are doing and what our goals are as a family and as homeschoolers.  I'm never going to be a "famous" or even "popular" blogger.  I just write simply. 

Then I got to thinking about other homeschool blogs out there.  Some are very warm and helpful and give lots of good advice on homeschooling (Thanks, Christy!).  Some are fun and whimsical and still manage to give great points of view on homeschooling (like the Juggling Paynes).  Some, dare I say it,  just irk me. 

The ones that irk me are they ones that appear to be helpful, but just come across as don't you wish you could be as wonderful as we are?  I don't enjoy reading those blogs.  They have beautiful custom-designed layouts, beautiful artwork, top-notch photography, and their families are the stellar, perfect, smiling models of super intelligent, above-grade level scholars.  Their science projects would put NASA to shame.  Their craft projects send Martha Stewart sobbing in her custom-blended tea. 

I question the purpose of these blogs.  They are certainly well put together and easy on the eyes.  Their homeschool efforts are certainly noteworthy.  But I just can't read those blogs anymore.  They tell you that they are homey, simple and humble...but humbleness means not having to toot your own horn.  I am convinced that they aren't blogging to be helpful, but rather to maintain their fan club of adoring sheep.  I think I would enjoy reading those blogs if they would actual mention their difficulties and write with sincere humility.   False humility is sickening. 

Since I am human, I do feel jealousy.  I do feel spite.  But since I am human, I am allowed to shield myself from those who would make me feel less worthy than what I am.  I think that my reading those types of blogs just brings me down, and that makes those types of blogs the complete opposite of helpful.  They might be great for some people, but not for me.